Monday, August 23, 2010

The first day of nursing school: Liveblog

8:00 a.m.: Class in one hour. This evil strep throat is killing me. Taking 800 mgs of ibuprofen from the prescription my husband got for tearing cartilage in his arm.

8:45 a.m.: Wow, feeling much better! Turns out taking ten times the recommended dosage really works! I'm definitely going to use that knowledge as a nurse.

9:00 a.m.: Here comes the professor! "Welcome, RN class of 2012!" Big round of applause! Yay!

9:30 a.m.: Introductions, introductions. "Hi, I'm Queenjulie, and I have strep throat." :classmates recoil in horror

9:15 a.m.: "Here's a copy of the syllabus! Don't panic--it's only 48 single-spaced pages long!"

9:20 a.m.: Professor is reading the syllabus. The whole thing.

9:45 a.m.: I do not understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. At all. I should probably look that up or something.

10:10 a.m.: Oh God, I have to pee.

10:30 a.m.: Break time! PEE!

10:40 a.m.: Resume dramatic reading of syllabus. My God, this is boring. "Blah, blah, blah, you must wear closed-toe shoes every day, blah, blah..." Wait, what? No flip-flops what? :stares in horror at happily unencumbered, be-sandaled feet.

11:30 a.m.: Lunch. Ingest caffeine. A lot.

12:20 p.m.: Done reading the syllabus! Attempt to wake up and pull face off sticky puddle of drool on desk.

12:30 p.m.: Tour the lab, which is a mock hospital ward. Marvel at freakishly realistic mannequins that actually have heart beats, blood pressures, injection areas that you can poke needles in, and voices that talk to you out loud.  Be incredibly creeped out.

1:00 p.m.: Learn about fire safety. "And now we're all going to go outside, where the fire department has set several small fires in the parking lot, and you get to put them out with fire extinguishers!" Holy crap. Nursing school just got 98% more interesting! Please God, let the firemen be naked.

1:03 p.m.: They aren't naked, but there are actual fires in small metal boxes in the parking lot. Crazy. Using a fire extinguisher is remarkably fun. If I ever get divorced and start dating again, I'm totally using a fire extinguisher to break up with people.

2:00 p.m.: "I hope you enjoyed your first day of nursing school! You have 56 pages of textbook reading to do before tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.! Enjoy!"

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